I read your whole post. There’s a lot of honesty in it.

What stood out to me isn’t that you rejected “religion". It's what version of it you experienced.

You lived it.
You tried to follow it.
And over time it started to feel like a system that didn’t produce what it promised.

That’s not a crazy conclusion.

But I’d gently separate two things:

religion as a system
vs
Yeshua as a person

Because those are not the same thing.

A lot of what you described losing faith in:
– institutions
– incentives
– outcomes that don’t change
– people talking about truth without living it

…Yeshua actually criticized directly.

“Woe to you… you tie up heavy burdens… but you yourselves are not willing to lift a finger to move them.” (Matthew 23)

He wasn’t building a system like the one you walked away from.
He was confronting it.

That’s why I wouldn’t tell you to “go back to religion.”

I’d say something simpler:

Go back and read Yeshua directly.

No filter.
No institution.
No expectation that you have to “believe” anything yet.

Just read what He actually said and did.

If it’s not true, it won’t hold up.
But if it is, it won’t look like the thing you walked away from.

I wrote something recently that might connect with what you’re describing:
https://stacker.news/items/1466045/r/Yermin

You don’t owe religion your belief.

But if Yeshua is who He claimed to be,
that’s a different question entirely.