as a month of not looking at my book is rapidly coming to a close, alot of transitioning has happened in the short amount of time from being away from this corner of the internet. i've made the trek back to japan, trying to settle back into the slow, domestic life, and have been focusing on the things that bring meaning into it. relaxing, being mindful of the present, and getting into the practice of being creative with my hands have all helped me ground me into the time of the days.

this would including losing my writing streak, which i'm honestly not that surprised about because to be fair: writing is a mentally heavy activity. it requires thought, innovation, a supporting of your reasons, and a constant need to find resolve and solutions to the dilemmas characters face (at least, in the context of fictional worlds).

i love writing dearly, and stepping away from it had allowed me to be less, desperate for it.

for all of us, there's a point in your life when something is your passion, where you crave it so much you don't feel like it's work. however, that perspective can change very quickly. in my desperate ambition to finish my first draft, it all felt like a chore. i was antsy to write the last words, but not in a good way of excitement, but in a way of "god. is this thing ever going to be done." there was a sort of dread to my writing where i would wake up, knowing there was still this huge task still unfinished yet 99.9% done, and all i wanted to do was delete the whole draft and start all over again. at that point, it was like reading a book but leaving the last page left unread.

that was my sign to step back, and let everything come back to me. as soon as i finished my draft, i needed to unplug. literally. so i closed my eyes, and visualized a whole power strip of things i wanted to detach myself from: money, writing, creativity, expectations of myself and from others, social media (ngl i still have to implement this one better), etc. one by one, i would remove each of the cords from that power strip, and for everyone of those things i let go, i felt a little bit more free.

i was operating from a lacking mindset, where i kept on focusing on the things i didn't have. but really, i already have everything in me. all of my book's final drafts are within me. all the monetary, creative, and highest self is within me. in due time, they will come into fruition on this physical plane.

the path to those things will reveal themselves as long as i stay present with what i have and what i can do now. i feel my days are so much happier this way, and i can really say i enjoyed them fully.

there is no greater beauty than giving yourself the time of day, because everything else will follow afterwards.